There's no sugar-coating this one. July was a rough month. Between a bunch of personal stuff and a busy IRL work schedule all coming at me at once, July has been a frustrating month, a month to forget. There were times I felt like throwing my hands up and giving up the Youtube gig, it felt that hopeless. Only in the last week have I wiped the plate clean and gotten back on track. They say the victories are won a step at a time, but they never tell you how to feel about the times your feet are moving yet the scenery isn't. This isn't a sob piece, but I need to get it off my chest. I have disabled Patreon payments, temporarily at least, until the Marathon 2 video is out. I swear there was an option to charge per video which is feeling a lot more fair than monthly payments at the moment, but I couldn't find it in the settings. I'll have another look soon.

Amidst the chaos of life, I had to face a hard truth: long form videos aren't as fulfilling as they once were. Am I saying anything new in them? Do they still mean something to me? I thought I had the answers, now I'm not so sure. I've been thinking of running shorter, more focused videos. Take a topic, rather than a game, and dig for meaning. It feels like the right direction for the channel, for me. I would like to try, at the very least.

Another burning desire welled up throughout July - I'd like to make another channel dedicated to beginner's guides, like the guide I made for Stalker: Anomaly, but more polished. Will it do well? Will I grow bored with it? Who knows, but it's been burning in the back of mind all month and hasn't left. That's usually a sign that it's the right thing to follow.

What does this mean for the Hey Blondie channel? In truth, there's only two changes I'd like to make: video length, and topics. How would the beginner guide content fit into the schedule? Ideally, I'd squeeze it between the Hey Blondie videos. Or, perhaps I can devote a set number of hours each week so that all my channels are always progressing. I haven't decided. But I do know that I want to try this. There are so many great games out there begging for a chance to be understood by a gaming audience who have come to rely on in-game help systems and tutorials. That stuff largely didn't exist for older games, and many indie devs, like the Valheim crew, don't have the time to devote to creating them. I want to bridge that gap, to make these games more accessible via robust, comprehensive beginner guides. Could I be the go-to channel for beginner's guides? I'd love to believe so one day. I'll think more on it. Any big decisions, as always, will be relayed to you, my supporters. You make the hard times less taxing, and you give me strength when the world is set on stripping it away.

The Marathon 2 video is still in the 1st draft phase, but the 1st draft is almost complete. It was refreshing going over the story again after the enforced hiatus that was July. It'll be fun to pick it apart for the video.

What's Blondie playin'?

I've been mostly playing System Shock 2 as a comfort/sanity refresher game this month. I relented and bought a Switch 2 after DK Bananza received good scores, and I haven't been disappointed. Still, can't wait for Metroid.

Ambitions

• Create a playlist for the videos my Youtube buddies create so that I can catch up on their work. This month I've been too wired to watch Youtube, social media, anything online, really.

• Fix Patreon alerts so that I get notified when other people I follow post something.

• Add recommendations to my Patreon. I'll eventually set aside a chunk of time to do all of this in one hit.

Personal ambitions

• Running - The training was going really well, got my zone 2 below the 6 minute per km mark, and then I got sick for the 3rd time in 3 months. That's part of the joy of sending your kid to daycare, they often bring something back with them. This period is the most consistently sick I've been ever, and it's been a battle to remain positive, especially when these colds/flus rob you not only of health but sleep, fitness, appetite, joy, and mental capacity.

• Food portions - I've heard good things about Macro Factor calorie tracker. Just need to bite the bullet and start using it. The thought of tracking my food fills me with an existential dread, but it'll make me a leaner, better runner, and that's what I'm focusing on until my zone 3 training breaks the 5 minute per km mark. It's not far off now, I was averaging 5:30 per km just before I got sick.

Wherever you are in life, know that the hard times hit us all. While it's healthy to assess where you are occasionally, giving up is always the easy way out. Define a 'them', and ensure you never let 'them' best you. When the times are good, put 'them' in front of you so you can blast them apart with your success. That'll make it easier to keep going when 'they' have the upper hand, when their mocking whisper to quit becomes too loud to ignore and every step feels taken with concrete shoes. Truly we are our own worst enemy, and those voices nearly had me. I'm glad I ignored them.

Until next month, pardners.